7 Ways Your Feedback is Making Things Worse…And What to do Instead

The quality of your feedback has the power to make or break results in your organization, strengthen or dissolve connection, build or break trust, and elicit creativity or carefulness. What’s the quality of your feedback?

Feedback is one of the most important leadership skills people can work with yet also one of the most intimidating; people fear it, avoid it, sugar coat it, and “feedback sandwich” it leaving the receiver with diluted feedback, hurt feelings, and lost opportunities that do no one any good, says inc.

Here are the 7 things you may be doing that are wrecking your feedback, and 7 tweaks to make it rock instead.

You fear giving it, and it shows. Your feedback is laced with the energy of “careful” and “tentativeness”. To make it easier on your nerves, you might even deliver the “Feedback Sandwich”. (“You’re awesome. You suck. Wow, you’re amazing.”) Stop doing this. Check in. Is it clean? Is it truly in service of? Have you “done your homework” before giving it? If your feedback is clean, in service of, and well thought out, it’s a gift. Give generously.

You don’t want to hurt their feelings or break their “trust”. So don’t. If your intention and presence are aligned, and the feedback is in service of this human being, you’re more likely to build trust equity with them than to hurt their feelings. Why? You were willing to take a risk and tell them something that may have been hard to tell. Feedback is a vulnerable thing to receive, be with them in their vulnerability, let it be okay, and serve.

You’re not prepared for it. While sometimes half baked, on-the-fly feedback can be valuable and a great framework for healthy collaboration, when it comes to big feedback, reviews, or any difficult conversation, preparation is essential. You have a huge opportunity to create impact here. This feedback could change the course of this person’s career; could be the most important thing they’ve ever heard. That’s worth preparing for, right?

It’s personal and/or outdated. That thing that ticked you off a year ago that he did or said or messed up? Sorry, you lost your window. Make feedback timely, make it in service of their growth, and beware personal gripes or hurt feeling camouflaged as professional feedback.

You haven’t created “sacred space”. You give your feedback “on the run”, quick, in passing, without an intentional “container” to deliver it in. The impact? It’s messy, not connected, and your person doesn’t feel honored. If you want your feedback to land, make sure the space is right. You’re giving someone a gift that will serve their impact, and may also hit some tender spots–set it up right. Do it privately and without interruption, be mentally present for it, watch your body language, intend well, listen, and be with this human being who’s trusting you enough to show you their under belly.

You leave them hanging, giving them nowhere to go with it. You drop the feedback, “Hey, this didn’t work”… and then stop there. Great. Now they’re curled up in the fetal position, knowing they missed the mark, and without direction on what to do to make it better. Instead, offer them a next place to step into and co-design the plan. “Hey, this didn’t work (be specific), and here’s what I think could make it better. How’s that feel? Let’s explore.”

Your presence sucks leaving them feeling irrelevant, judged, or simply like an idiot. Presence has big impact in feedback (even bigger than how perfectly crafted your feedback is). If your feedback is laced with contempt, irritation, apathy, or the energy of a “to do”, they’ll feel it. And they’ll likely thank you for it by shutting down, rejecting it, locking up creativity, and telling everyone how much the process sucked. Instead, be conscious of your intention and presence walking in that door. Consider the impact you want to have on them, how you want them to feel, and lean in.

Adopt one, adopt all, use your leadership super powers for good feedback as well–and get feedback on your feedback. Ready? Go.